My German husband had never even heard of such “a ridiculous” thing before I stood sobbing waiting for my card and present. I, of course, had a secret card for him and a Valentine's Day Introduction Course planned with the help of an elderly neighbour...

Now, when you want to introduce extra characters into an education program, you have to make them believable, and who could be more believable than a 93 year old? I gave Reginald a card for The Husband which apparently he had received from a woman in the complex who REALLY liked him.

When I saw Reg approaching the front door, I miraculously needed the loo and so Joerg answered the door. Reg handed him the card and whispered that it was from some Hot Babe (not sure if these were his exact words) who had asked him to give it to Joerg. I'd sprayed it with more perfume than most French whores use in a week and sealed it with a red kiss.

Joerg opened it and was terrified. The card read that she had seen him in the complex and wanted to get to know him REALLY well... It was, of course, unsigned. He came rushing into the bathroom swearing that he didn't know who she was or what she wanted from him. Poor boy...

Reg said I should keep the interrogation and worry going all day, but I didn't have the heart, 'cos he was so disturbed by the card. Or was he just worried he wouldn't get to meet her after all?? I soon told him that it was an educational joke which meant: don't ever forget Valentine's Day again!

Has it worked you might ask? Not even bloody remotely. Every year he asks if I really want a card made from trees felled for nothing, have an overly-priced meal in a restaurant just because of an apparently special day that was only invented to make consumers spend more money for no reason at all? YES I scream, but he just shakes his head and disappears into the distance.

I think he's still looking for Reg's Hot Babe...